Transitioning parents to assisted living isn’t easy, but these things will help both of you!
Making this hard decision to convince your parents to go from the comfort of their house to assisted living is not easy. It’s actually a bit heartbreaking, a journey filled with emotions because you’re concerned for their well-being and health in general, you’re worried they will never adapt there, and most probably you’re also feeling a bit guilty for thinking about this. After all, it isn’t the happiest of occasions.
But keep in mind that the main goal is to make sure your parents will get the support and attention they need in a caring and safe atmosphere.
It’s going to be a difficult talk to have because you must convince them, but this action can provide them with a higher quality of life. You can contribute to making this big life transition as peaceful and easy as possible by approaching the process with love, tolerance, and understanding.
Let’s look together at some things you can do before transitioning parents to assisted living to make the whole change smoothly for everyone.
Show them empathy
Since this may be super rough for them because they may feel useless, like a burden, and simply realize they’re not young anymore, it’s crucial to be empathetic towards them. To put yourself in their shoes, try to think like that.
Your parent has spent their entire life taking care of you and maybe your brothers and sisters; now for the grandkids, establishing a family was their main goal, then sustaining a home and living independently. This shift is usually linked to the idea that your parent is losing their independence and becoming dependent on other people. It’s a shock for both of you.
If you want this change to be smooth and transition parents to assisted living, be welcomed by them with open arms. Don’t hesitate and tell your parents how much you value and appreciate them. Discuss the things that won’t change.
Perhaps it’s the monthly card game they use to play with their grandchildren, that lovely book club with friends, or the warm mittens your mom enjoys knitting for her family every Christmas. Even in an assisted living environment, your parents may still participate in all of these.
Address the “elephant in the room”
When transitioning parents to assisted living, there is no way to avoid talking about this; you have to gather all your strength and address the elephant in the room. It is advised that you speak with your parents before needing assisted living, if at all feasible. But the way you introduce the topic matters too!
First, you must keep calm, no matter what they will say or how they will react. It’s recommended that you use “I” messages to avoid making them angry or downright defensive. Tell them you’re worried about their recent accidents (if there were any!) and the look of the house instead of telling them you can’t take care of the house anymore and that you’ll fracture your hip if you keep falling.
Try to communicate more assertively without blaming them for things that no longer work. Make them understand that assisted living isn’t the end of the world; encourage them to be more open to the idea, especially if, let’s say, you already live in separate cities or even states and they already need someone to help them with stuff around the house.
Involve them in the process of looking for facilities
Include your parent in the selection and inspection of assisted living homes as much as you can. You will need to draw them back in by talking about the apartment’s features, location, and size; otherwise, they could become frustrated and stop participating in the process. You might need to take the initiative on some matters, like money. Put every single cost on paper to have a clear view of the financial costs.
In some cases, you as their child must contribute more in case their retirement funds won’t cover all the costs. Discuss and see what solutions you find together as a team.
Help with downsizing
This is going to be super hard for them, parting ways with their most precious belongings; a new retirement chapter is just around the corner, so the best you can do is help them as much as possible. Try to schedule the moving process well in advance of the relocation.
To select what may be saved or thrown away and what will go with them, your parents may need a lot of time. Give your parent some time to think about everything, reflect on the past, and then encourage them to look forward to their future.
Although this may worry you, a lot of older parents who move into assisted living facilities discover a whole new level of independence and end up loving it.
Make the new place look and feel like home
One fun method to ease the adjustment when transitioning parents to assisted living is to decorate their new space to make them feel as comfortable as possible. Try to get them involved in choosing where items should be hung and positioned because they’ll likely be too embarrassed and unhappy due to the movement.
Assist them in making their balcony or front door seem more like home. Keep them interested and listen carefully. Whether or not you like the furniture placement or the wall picture selection, it all comes down to their style and degree of comfort.
Anticipate a time of adjustment
No matter how smoothly the transition to assisted living has gone so far, you must expect a period of adjustment. It’s going to be something new for them, so they might be cranky, moody, or even angry some days, phoning you a lot to come back for them.
Communicate your parent’s interests in activities to the staff members in charge of resident activities. In the first few days, if your parent doesn’t actively seek out social interaction, it may feel lonely and uncomfortable to them.
In the initial weeks of the shift, it’s also a good idea to give them a call a few times a week, if not every day, to make sure everything is going well. Be careful not to push, though. Some elderly parents may find that annoying since they will tell you not to worry because they are already in good hands.
Never forget about them
A lot of people tend to forget to call their parents for holidays, birthdays, and other important dates. And unfortunately, this leads to resentment and bottled-up anger. Never forget about them, especially if they’re no longer living with you.
After transitioning parents to assisted living, it’s very important to keep them engaged in your family’s life. If you don’t live in the same town and can’t visit them often, consider sending a cute gift.
For example, a family album with pictures of you two having fun on holidays, from your early childhood years, with the grandkids, celebrations they couldn’t be a part of, and so on to fill their hearts with joy and assure them you’re still thinking about them all the time. You won’t believe how happy they will be! Pick your favorite album from Amazon’s offer that starts at $10-15.
Transitioning smoothly and maintaining and encouraging more happiness for your parent may be done by listening, being present, and letting them feel all of these feelings while also expressing how important they are to you.
I truly hope this advice proves to be helpful to you if you find yourself dealing with a similar situation soon.
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